The teacher passes out the AP exam. The large packet lands on my desk with a loud plop. I’m pumped and ready to go, my mind whirring with all the knowledge I’ll need to crush the test. It stares up, eyeing me, the competition, as if to say: I can beat you. Sure you’ll get a few right, but you’re no match for me. Wanna go? I stare back. Just to emphasize the point, I rise and pound a few punches into the glossy title page of the packet, as is my custom.
Aaaagggghhhh!!!! I scream as the packet latches onto my arm with the force of a thousand grizzly bears and the pain of a thousand hornets. I throw myself to the ground, beating the exam against the floor as it slowly engulfs my wrist and upper forearm. It’s strong. Really strong. We grapple and our fight takes us out the door, pierced by the glaring stare of the stern test proctor and the shocked looks of my fellow classmates. We tumble into the lobby as the AP exam forces me into the ground; I’m only concentrating on keeping it off my face.
How do you beat paper? In a flash of inspiration, it comes to me: scissors. But in this barren lobby, there is only the rock tile floor. By now the exam has engulfed my arm up to the elbow, but I’ve succeeded in ripping off most of the plastic wrap, and a few of its pages are left scattered in our path of blood and knocked-over chairs and tables. I’m able to thrust my arm under the water fountain dispenser and turn on the spigot. The vice grip of the paper lessens as some of the cheap College Board paper turns to mush. We tumble around some more, and it’s my back that takes the force of crashing through the floor.
But as I penetrate the two inches of wood, I bring both feet up in powerful kicks and throw the test over my head, into the bathroom. Now it’s off of my now swollen right arm. It lies in a puddle, unable to attack as it slowly absorbs more and more water.
“YOU ARE OVER!” I scream as I charge the test, its now-feeble water-logged abilities no match for my rage. I push it into a bathroom stall and into a toilet, where it rapidly takes on water. I don’t think about where my hands are as I slowly drown the writhing exam in the toilet bowl.
100% Student Approved and Certified Attitude for Getting 5s.